H.IV

Date: 27/5/2006 

R*N: CL

Venue: Inland City Hotel and Arse Whipping Jizznasium

Hare: Lisa

Roll of Honour: Relax In a Gentleman’s Way, Munster, Boner, Digga, Viagra, Lisa, Muka Puki, Foreskin, Uncle Fester, Virgin Mike, Manure, Wooden Fuck, Twin Tubs, Eighty Sux, Mr Squiggles, Cumalot, Shagwell

Late: Slammer

Early for Monday nights r*n: Tombstone

Notable absentees: NONE

The R*N:

Realx was sweating on this one, he didn’t just want to be know as the most unorganised GM  in the annals of he wanted to be know as  the most unorganised GM who repeatedly had his minions arses bleeding. And we knew we were in trouble when we saw that bloody cross again. One by one the hashers made their way into the back bar of the  Inland City Hotel and Arse Whipping Jizznasium where we were greeted by the cash Nazi Lisa who demanded of us the sign word and grip of a master hasher. These were given as well as a small sum of money, but in return we were given a plastic cup, a cube of sugar, a photo copy of some shit Relax’s idol- Alister Crowley wrote, a little spoon, and a T-shirt.  Relax proceeded to show everyone how to pour the perfect absinthe, then on and checking. Cunning Lisa sends everyone off on a false trail, then eventually the real trail is found. This meandered towards the Hannans club, which was where H.IV was first conceived. Interestingly, only 1 out of the 3 hashers bothered to show up for such an important r*n as the CL. The Absinthe was poured water added via a cube of sugar, Slammer decides to show, up then on and Checking.  At this point some of the athletes were getting worried as we were still heading away from the Inland City Hotel and Arse Whipping Jizznasium. Mount Charlotte lookout is approaching very fast but Lisa set the r*n, surely that cunt wouldn’t make us walk up there. Master check called at the top of Mount Charlotte and Relax makes Boner read out a poem, Boner gets heckled, Twin Tubs says something about diamonds and pigs. I think what he was saying is that if you only fuck ugly fat pigs you never have to buy them diamonds, like you do if you want to fuck a really hot chick.

On and Checking. Down heading towards the railway and something starts moving in Slammers pants. Master check called under the bypass road bridge and yet more Absinthe is poured.  By this stage people have forgotten how fucked up it tastes and actually are having seconds of it. The runners ( I use that term very loosely) head in one direction and about 15 of the hashers continue on a shorter route to the next master check behind St Mary’s Catholic School and Priest molestation training centre.  From here a short r*n to the train station for a master check, and again something starts moving in his pants.

ON HOME CALLED.

 

The Circle

The GM makes it clear right from the start that if anyone talks they are on the ice, and Digga is security. Lisa is pouring Absinthe and because Cocksmith cares more about his wife’s birthday that our CL r*n (remember cocksmith, your wife has a birthday every year, there is only ever one r*n CL) Boner is given the duties of hash piss. Foreskin called onto the ice, and rightly so, if Relax left him on the ice as long as we waited for those badges his arse would have turned black then dropped off. Lisa the Hare was called out. Then slowly in H.IV fashion everyone was called out multiple times, mainly Foreskin, because we were warned that he likes getting out of drinking beer.  Around this time Tombstone arrives, I am not sure if he was late for the r*n or early for Monday nights r*n? Munsters Son-in-law  Virgin Mike in typical kiwi fashion couldn’t handle sitting on the ice, drinking about 5 DD’s in a row and 5 Absinthe’s and his legs decide fuck this I’m not working any more and he fell over.

From here the night sunk to levels not seen since the Rule of Discipline r*n. You all know what happened there, well the same happened here to, but with 3 differences. Firstly people got 15 lashes, secondly, Boner whimps out at seven lashes and thirdly Cumalot cracks it and smashes a glass.

The food was typically good, and as usual no bullshit was spoken all night. Yeah good one.

As is normally the case the last r*n before change over of GM’s was a success, and I am sure Mr Squiggles has got photos of peoples dicks.

There were only two casualties for the entire night – Virgin Mick just pissed and fell on his face, and of course soft cock hash visitor FORESKIN. What a fucking sad case of a hasher. The pink shirt for gayness should have gone to him eh Boner. Twas found blocking the entrance to the mens toilets laying on his naked side vomiting into the garden and of no coherence what so ever. So it is decided to take the gay cunt home. As he is being dragged out to Muka Puki’s work car, the old fucker from behind the bar is over heard saying in amazement “ that’s the second one they have dragged out of there”. As we are heading back to boulder to drop Foreskin off home, down cums the window and he is power spewing down the side of Muka’s car. And we all thought he was a legend.  So now in the Anals of HIV legends, Foreskin joins Boner as a Brokeback Mountain Cowboy. – fucking cunt.  ON ON BONER